I really should start writing on a more regular basis. I don't feel like i can really open up about my job anymore so i don't have anything to rant about. Plus I actually like my job now so, there goes that.
Tman called me last night. He's clean for one year now. It's been a year since he left. He is working and living in a sober house back east there in Sacramento. He says he doesn't read me anymore. He's happy that I have met someone nice and that egg is gone.
I very rarely see egg anymore. I saw him walking down the street a while ago. He hugged me and told me about some magazine he's writing for. I don't remember the name. He has called me a couple of times but I don't pick up. He yelled at my window two nights in a row last week. I didn't answer.

It's been a year now and I am really better off. No more fighting and stress.
A year since I got the job at the estore. That helped immensely. I am a lot better off financially now. I must stop spending on eVilbay.
Must.

I think I want to delete my, uh my space account. I never look at the thing and I'm afraid a bunch of people think they can contact me there and I'm missing their messages.
If you messaged me there and I didn't answer, that's why. It's not because I'm a cold, selfish person. Although, I am. Cold and selfish, that it.
Oh, stop, you flatter me...

I am, too.

I bought a laundry hamper and I love it. I put my dirty clothes in it. No more pile. There isn't enough room for a dirty clothes pile in here (she noticed three years later).
I line it with a plastic bag and then when I want to do wash I just grab the bag and run. No guesswork, no questions, no sniffing. Is it clean? Is it dirty? If it's in the hamper, it's dirty.
What an absolutely brilliant idea. Why didn't you tell me about these things?
It has improved the landscape in here a great deal.
Now if I could just get the CLEAN clothes into the drawers...

I think I lost my favorite towel. It was big and blue and thirsty and soft and bleach-stained. The last I remember seeing it was a week or so back in the morning I took it to the bathroom and I haven't seen it since. The last cleaning lady would have washed it and folded it and put it on the shelf in the hall by the back door. This one probably threw it away. She threw away my dishrag. I saw it on the ground next to the trashcans one morning. She threw away all my dishes and my dishrack and gods know what else. I guess the message is, don't leave your crap in the kitchen. Ok.
Got it.

Today I received another one of the many Vera Bradley purses I bought on eVilbay (I don't know if you remember the Chicken purse, do you? If not, comment and I will go dig out the photo. It's buried in photobucket somewhere. ick. I don't like to think about it. I really need to organize in there). It's another chicken purse. This one is a backpack in the discontinued Chanticleer pattern. Cheep. $62.00.
I needed a new backpack my old one is falling apart, so hush, you. I don't have to justify my addictions to you! Hobbies. I mean hobbies. What did I say?

I got my free sample of Olay Regenerist. Whenever they offer me stuff from Olay, I take it. I have a bunch of little tubes of the different kinds laying around. I love moisturizer and slather it around my eyes and on my neck a few times a day.
I use the Olay Complete daily with spf 15 or something like that. I like to wear a sunscreen because the sun isn't what it used to be. It used to be healthy and good for you. Now it's a big scary beast that will burn you and give you cancer.
Cancer. From the sun. Imagine that.

But moisturizer. That stuff is expensive! $8 for a bottle of moisturizer. And that is what they call mid priced. Yeah, that's what I said, too. Pfft.
I do like the stuff. It's not greasy and I don't know if it's really helping but I haven't had a sunburn since I started using. No new wrinkles either.

I have been noticing more grey hair. Lovely little shiny threads at my temples and on my crown. Those are just the ones I can see. I can only imagine what is going on in the back. I never look back there. There is one in my hairline that's been there for years. I don't even know how long. Jeez. 39.
I'm gonna be 39.

Get me moisturizer for all subsequent birthdays, ok?

Work is going well. We are making goals and breaking records all the time. We will be moving the store location to the new room in the basement at the end of the week. Thurs or Fri, I don't remember which.
I just want to get it over with. We will be doing inventory on the same day, oh joy. So it's going to be count it, pack it, move it. We get to keep our storage "cage" on the warehouse floor, so that is nice. Maybe we can set up the laptop in there and use it, hmm.
I really can't wait to get into the new place. It's going to be bigger, quieter, more storage and away from people wandering in and out lost. Far away. It will mean walking up and down two flights of stairs to get in and out, so that will be some exersise, anyway.
It's going to be good.

I'm going to go to bed.

Night.

It's confusing at best, but I did it. At 4:30 am, no less.

BRA SIZE: HOW TO MEASURE

BAND SIZE
• Measure around your ribcage, directly under the bust.
• Add 5 to this measurement to obtain your band size. (i.e.: If your ribcage measurement is 29" + (5) = 34" band size.)
CUP SIZE
• Measure completely around the bust at the fullest point.
• Each inch of difference between this measurement and your BAND size = cup size. (i.e.: If your band size is 34" and your bust measurement is 35", you wear an "A" cup.)
If the difference is:
less than 1 inch = AA cup, 1 inch = A cup, 2 inches = B cup, 3 inches = C cup, 4 inches = D cup, 5 inches = DD cup


According to this chart I am a 40DD.
Helloooo? How can you possibly call these tiny little things DD?
DD?????
I'm looking at my bra right now and it says 36B. Why am I awake?

Oh, so happy! It's like xmas in here or an early birthday! I just got a package in the mail from Sally she sent me a Vera Bradley Designs book cover in Elizabeth It's the yellow one should be at the top of the page. Thank you Sally!

I also got another package today, an auction I won on E B A Y.
Three items in Greenfield. A small purse, cosmetic case and what I have been wanting forever a sunglass case. It is also in Greenfield.

I'm in heaven. New Purse Heaven...

Thanks again Sally, you made my day!

My Charm Bracelet

With the new charm that Bos brought me back from E b a y L i v e!
It's a tiny little silver auction paddle!
Awwwwwwww.

Big, Fat, whatever you couldn't possibly be interested anymore...

I re-read what I wrote in word and it's completely incomprehensible.
It's now three in the morning and I'm re-writing it right here, right now.

Anyway, Erik built the float and we got the costumes up and on people. All of us were in a huge warehouse with kids and people everywhere.
Men and women on stilts, wearing huge feathered hair pieces and shiny, white sequined costumes. After the parade I helped two of them off their stilts. That would probably look good on a resume.
A whole troop of Brazillian dancers were getting costumed right next to us. They aren't very shy about changing in front of people, really. Lots of thongs and eyeliner and boobies. And sequins

Sequins were everywhere. Everyone wanted sequins. I almost didn't participate in the parade itself, because I really didn't want to wear sequins, but I found a men's plaid sportcoat and a huge paisely clown hat and decided to go for it.

Everyone was costumed. The float was ready.
Wavy Gravy was hoisted up into his chair and the drummers got on the float. The driver of the float got in. Energy was really high and everyone was excited. My position, as a flag carrier, was to walk in front of the float on the right hand side and make sure it didn't run anyone over while holding a huge medieval type flag with crepe paper streamers and a big gold ball on the top. Erik had the flag on the left hand side and Mama had a flag in front of us, right behind the Brazillian dancers. More thongs.
The route through the grounds was crowded but people got out of the way ok and we only knocked over one display.
Everyone wanted to see Wavy and were yelling "Happy Birthday, Wavy Gravy" and other such greetings.
The man is 79 years old, you know? He's an Icon. He had a squirt gun shaped like a fish and was wearing a dooki brown clown costume with green stars on it. It was subtle, but effective.

We got to the other side of the fairgrounds with minimal bloodshed and WG was hoisted back down from the float. All four kids wanted to ride on the float on the way back to the warehouse and Mama, Erik and I still had our positions in front to guide the huge thing through the hippie choked fairgrounds.

One of the drummers tried to jump off the float as we were pulling in the driveway and fell. She landed on her drum and, fortunately, wasn't hurt.

Whew. Back to break it down. Costumes were packed, the float was stripped and then greatly abused by the kids who gave each other rides by towing it with a rope that was tied on the front of the frame.
Once I couldn't see anything else to pack or break down I went to the beer stand with Erik and we got two six dollar beers.
Mama said that Anna and I were very helpful and could come with her to help anytime.
Her words, yelled to everyone "These two are KEEPERS!"

After packing everything we went to see Cake.
Cake, the reason I went. Not really, but the only band on the list that I wanted to see.
Cake started about an hour late. It was getting cold, kids were tired, grown ups were tired. We stayed for three songs and then got in the car and drove home.

Oh, tired. Oh, sleepy.
ZZZZZ
And that's the story of my big, fat, hippie weekend.

Part one is a couple of entries back if you want to know what the hell it's all about.

I know, I know. I promised you part two of my big, fat, hippie weekend, and I have begun writing it, it's in word. It's a long story. May take three parts.

Today, to keep you occupied, I have some photos! YAY!!
Last night I took some pics of my room so I could show you the messy place I live in. They are sort of dark and some are blurry. I didn't reduce them so here are the thumbnails. Clicky to feel like you are really there.

Without further ado...

This is the entertainment center. You can see all my books and my tv and dvd and vcr. Also a good portion of my furbies.


  



This is the end of my bed, where I sit. That's my laptop on the right and a bunch of Vera Bradley bags on the left.


  


Moving to the right is the closet. That is my Night of the Living Dead hoody and my giant 12 pack of toilet paper. Only 5.99!! That's 50c a roll!


  



This is my big dresser with a shelf on top. I keep random stuff here. Like Cheerios and dvds. You might be able to see more fubies there if you look closely. My guitar, map of Alcatraz and the Scotsman calendar I got from Art last year. I love this month's picture, Art. Cool.


  




This one came out worst of all. The window behind the bed and the bed, piled with pillows and purses.


  


What is it about purses? Oh, I know! They truly are one size fits all! No matter how much weight you gain or lose, your purse will still fit. Plus you can put stuff in them.


Well, that is all I've got for now. Things are ok. I'm still all grotty with a sore throat and coughing, blech.

Have a good one. Next time I will have part two, I promise. You believe me don't you?

co worker #2 said to me today, "if i were your boyfriend I'd smack you for talking to me the way you do"
To which I replied "I don't talk to my boyfriend the way i talk to you. He's smart".

My big, fat hippie weekend. Part One.

I was nervous all week about going to this festival. I wanted to get out of town with Erik and camping sounded like the kind of fun I haven’t had in a while, but have always enjoyed in the past.
He called me on Thursday and told me we were in, the tickets were paid and all we had to do was arrive.
Friday, I got to work extra early so I could get out early. He called me when he got off work and I went and took a break with him.
We made plans to meet up and go to my place so I could get my stuff together.
(He doesn’t come to my place much. Maybe four times now. I imagine it a lot. Him coming here and hanging out with me. Maybe laying on the bed with me. Maybe some kissing, who knows?)
He stood around looking at my stuff while I tossed clothes and sunscreen in my bag. He helped me get the sleeping bag down off the high shelf and I explained some of the photos and other random quirkiness lying about the room.
(You know, I do not know what I am going to do when the light in this place burns out. I cannot reach the light fixture on these darn San Francisco high ceilings!)
I was spazzing of course about what to bring, what would I need, etc and he said,
“Just grab some clothes and maybe some toys, socks are good. Sunscreen, yeah. We got blankets; we will sleep in the car. Once we get there it’s only going to be two days. We’ll have plenty to do and each other’s company, so what else do we need?
That was so sweet I had to stop and hug him real tight.
He says the nicest things to me. He doesn’t even think he is saying anything nice but he makes my heart sing all the time.
We drove across the bridge, (I said hello to it for you, Witty) and got Jr from school. He was in a surprisingly good mood and for once didn’t say, “oh, why did you have to pick HER up? I hate her!!”
He hates everyone when he’s tired. It isn’t just me.
So, we got to their place and we played video games for a bit, while E packed and got stuff ready to pack in the car.

Then we got in the Volvo and started driving. It didn’t take long and it wasn’t far. Beautiful scenery North up 101. The way home. Traffic was lovely. We moo’ed at the cows and gawked at the big earth moving machines. About an hour later, Jr was asleep in the back and we were there.
We had to wait for his Mama to show up so she could escort us in. She is a costume and stage show designer and the reason we were there was to help build a float and costume up a bunch of people for a parade. Whoa. How did I miss that little tidbit?
There was much waiting while the inefficient people did their inefficient jobs and then, finally, we were illegally camping at the Sonoma fairgrounds! The first people we parked by told us to move or die, so we moved a space over and all was cool.
We met everyone. An especially nice lady named Anna (who’s name I did not find out until I was two IPAs in on Saturday. Woo! She had gotten my name from Mama and assumed I knew hers) had three little girls aged about 9-12. All about the same size, nice little girls, very smart and fun. They could not get enough of Jr.
He woke up after the trip all grumpy and hid in the car for about an hour before he finally decided to get out and play. By this time it was after midnight but we weren’t tired yet. Erik, Anna, me and all the kids, Mama and the Moody Sicilian and Anna’s mom all walked the half mile to the fairgrounds where we could hear music playing. We had wristbands, but the girls did not. The gatekeeper didn’t want to let them in. There was talking and finally they let us drag the sleepy and over stimulated kids into the festival after 1am.
By that time the music was over but we stopped and had beer and pizza. E had stashed two bottles of beer in my backpack but Anna had to buy a six dollar one at the stand. $3.75 for a slice of frozen cheese pizza that had some ingredients tossed on top before cooking. Bleh.
Somehow we managed to get a seat for everyone at what seemed like the only table on the whole grounds and we guarded those seats with our very lives. Every time someone in our party would get up for something someone would try to slip in the space they left. I am surprised no blood was shed.
Suddenly, a man came up to the table and banged his fist on it!
“What are you doing here? Eating PIZZA? One of you stole my pizza! If I find you all eating my pizza when I get back, There will be words!”
He walked over to the beer booth and got in the line.
All the kids were speechless with mouths hanging open. The three grownups were sort of giggling nervously. He was kidding, right?
The pizza came and all dug in. Sure enough, he came back. “My name is Peter! Yeah, I’m your uncle Peter! I like pizza, but somebody took mine.” We had enough slices for us and it didn’t look like anyone was gonna give him a slice and, by golly, nobody did.
He stood there for a while talking drunkenly, and harmlessly to the kids. He was a nice uncle Peter the Pizza eater, but he had the girls giggling and a little shook up. He wanted to know all the names of the kids but only two would come across. The rest of the time we were at the fair we kept saying, “look out, I think that’s uncle Peter the Pizza eater!”
It made them shut up for a second once or twice.
After that we walked back to the campsite (which was conveniently located directly next to the restroom, Yay). Jr went with the girls back to their RV to play a game and theoretically sleep there. I didn’t believe it for a second.
Erik and I made the bed up in the back of the Volvo and then E went to go check on Jr.
As soon as he left I crawled into the back of the car and opened a beer. Then I spilled a beer. All over the bed, of course. I wouldn’t have been so bad if I had just straight spilled it, but me, I had to pick it up too fast (it was really dark, remember?) and fwing beer practically to the windshield. Luggage got wet. JoJo the stuffed dog got a beer bath. I could not find a towel. There was a Sylvester the Cat costume that got a little wet, but it wasn’t the cleanest thing in the world to start with. I finally found a roll of paper towels and started blotting the blankets, not really doing much good.
I slept in the wet spot.
Of course Jr wanted to come back with his dad and the girls were going to sleep, so E brought him back to the car, none to pleased. It was going to be the christening of the Volvo, after all.
Erik was apprehensive about sleeping three in the car, but surprisingly, it was almost more comfortable than when we sleep three in the bed at his place.
Not where I would like to sleep every night, but not so bad that I would dread doing it again.
How’s that for a review?

Ok, that’s all you get for tonight. Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you about the work and the parade.
Wait for it…

I Am Woman

Thanks for all of your wonderful comments on the last post. You love it when I have angst, don't you? Yes, you do... whose a supportive reader? You are! Yes, you are! Who's the most bestest one? You know you are! Oh, and so smart and good looking!

Sorry, the meds are still in effect. I feel goofy but not dizzy or lightheaded at all. Just silly. I feel silly. I laugh at everything.

Erik came and got me after work today and we went to the park with a six pack. Lovely, lovely. Hands were held, looks were exchanged. Kisses were kissed.

Everything is fine, of course. Silly brain! When will you learn?

When I had to pee it was still early enough that the restrooms weren't closed so I didn't have to pee behind the restrooms building. Also, the carousel was running because it's summer. I didn't go down there but I could see it spinning from where I was sitting.

I was singing this song in the shower last night. After the angsty, doped up ramble.

I recommend it because you can make up new words if you can't remember the real ones.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back and pretend
cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Oh, yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Do the chorus again. Make sure you have shampoo in your hair, but don't get any in your eyes.

-Artist: Helen Reddy
-peak Billboard position # 1 for 1 week in 1972
-Words and Music by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

I remember this song from the very beginnings of my memories. It's right up there with Delta Dawn and anything by the Beatles or Steve Miller Band.

Two people that I care about got arrested today for doing dumb stuff. One has probably already been released because he is underage. The other I have a strange feeling might not get out right away.

I maybe might got to this music festival this weekend.

Bos is going on vacation to attend (e*B a y *L i v e !)in V eg as next week. I think she may be taking the whole week off, not sure yet.
This means I will be in charge.
IN CHARGE
Don't mess with me, boys. I'm in charge.

I am scared shitless.

right after i wrote this i called him and everything is status quo. He may or may not hate my pants but he does want to see me in the future. I feel much better. except my tender throat meats. they still hurt like the dwarves are tap dancing in sandpaper shoes. Grumpy is doing it double time. Enjoy my neurosis...

I hate the way my mind works.
Maybe it's because I'm sick and on homeopathic meds (the cough syrup is yumm! tastes like molasses!), or maybe I'm just insecure and needy.
I've never been insecure and needy before.
I've been a go getter and look where it got me?

I know he's busy and this is the way he acts when he's busy. He has a lot on his mind. A lot on his plate.
I don't mind that I only get to see him once a week or so. I don't mind.
So, what is my problem really?
These scenarios go through my mind and they aren't pretty. They make me want to cry.
I know he's home now and has a little boy to feed and chase around. A cranky, over-stimulated boy who hates everything and only wants to eat chips and yogurt and play the PS2.
He will probably call me later and everything will be ok.
I need some positive affirmation from him.
"Yes, everything is fine. Yes, I do want to see you still. I miss you, too."
He doesn't miss me. He told me so. He likes me. He likes hanging out with me. He likes having sex with me.
He has no problem with holding my hand or putting his arm around me in public, even around his friends.

It just keeps going thru my head. "I don't want to see you anymore. We can be friends, but that's it. I've met someone else. You're too fat, too ugly, too bitchy. Too quiet, lazy, drunk, needy, depressed, obsessive, boring, tattooed, and you're terrible in bed. Oh, and you talk about your work too much. Also, I hate your pants."

It goes on like that for a while. Hours, even.
My head is out to get me.

Oh, jeez and what if he reads this? Erik, if you are reading oh, well. Now you know what goes on in my sweaty little head. Sorry. Don't hate me, ok?

Right, see, I don't say these things to him because I don't want to SEEM needy to him. I'm independent. I have my own place and I have friends (somewhere). I take care of myself. I buy my own clothes and pay my phone bill. I got a cold so I went to the store and bought myself some groovy, overpriced homeopathic meds which maybe why I'm feeling this way in the first place.

I can't go to sleep this early. I think I will take a really long, hot shower and then come back and pass out rub one out go to sleep.

I am sick today. My sick coworker, on friday, refused to go home and so I caught his filthy germs. Now I have sore throat meats, stingy eye holes and leaky face tubes. Also Sneezy and Dopey dwarves have come to live in the 12' travel trailer that is doubling for my head today. They brought Snotty, Runny, Achey, Chilly, Crampy and Grumpy to stay, too. None of them took off their shoes.
I didn't feel like taking them all to work with me, so I stayed home where I am now, watching them drink all my beer, use up my shampoo and try on my clothes. Bastard dwarves.

In other news, peanut butter gives me heartburn. Film at 11.

Look what I did! I made a link to the store! With actual pictures. It is also self-updating so there will be new auctions listed automatically in the order ending soonest.

Guess who said I was his girlfriend?

No, not Tony Hawk. No, not Jack Black. Uh-uh, not even Tom Green.

(That website, by the way, is absolutely fabulous. Why didn't anyone tell me about this website before?)

Yes. After almost four months of hot and heavy friendship, he said the "g" word. THE G WORD!!! This is huge, people.
Well, in my crazy, psycho, needy, insecure, self-obsessed, obsessive/compulsive mind it is. Humor me.

I haven't seen him since Monday and today he came and got me after work. We were driving along and I said, "Baby, I have missed you!"
He said "Aww, that's nice. I am so busy at work, I don't have time to miss anyone."
We were turning onto Van Ness off Mission and he said, "Hey, you know that tattoo you have on your back, the little crow? A guy I work with has a figure of him on his desk. I saw it and said, 'hey, my girlfriend has that tattooed on her back!'"

I'm his girlfriend. He's my boyfriend.

I'm still a dork.