Beauty is Pain

Remember my New Year’s resolution to get my nails done at the beauty college? I went today. I was thinking of facials, and manicures and maybe a shampoo, an eyebrow waxing.
I got there and settled on a manicure and eyebrow wax.

Her name was Ruby. She waxed my eyebrows. Latina. I did not ask her where she was from. She was very self-confidant and did a wonderful job.
When I got into her booth she told me to lay down on the table. I did and she laid a towel over my chest. She held a mirror up to my face and said, "what do you want?"
I pushed the mirror away and said, "just clean it up. I don’t want anything fancy, thin, pointy or funny, just clean up my line". She did. It looks good and it feels good. I could see going back there once a week for that. The wax was warm and her hands were soft.
She got tipped $5 on a $5.50 procedure.

I was completely relaxed, if a bit puffy in the forehead area, and went out to get the manicure. Her name was Lan. Viet Namese. Cute as a button. No English at all other than "wash your hands", and "you sit here".
She starts the manicure without soaking my hand. She files back and forth. I stopped her and showed her how to file in one direction at a time. These are not acrylic nails, and you are shredding them, stupid. What are they teaching in beauty college these days?
She grabs me and starts clipping my fingernails to make them all even without asking if I like my nails with my pinky nail a little longer than the rest, which I do. No biggie, they grow back. She applies the cuticle softener with an orangewood stick and cotton and gets the nippers to start trimming my cuticle. First thing she does is jam that nipper right into my pinky finger and the blood begins to flow. Yes. I am bleeding. How do you say, "bio-hazard" in Viet Namese?
Two other students run up and they all begin speaking quickly. It doesn’t hurt but it looks pretty impressive. I cannot understand what they are saying, and I am laughing at the look of horror on poor Lan’s face. Finally I hear someone say "antiseptic!" I speak up. "Yes, some antiseptic would be a good idea, here." They all look at me confused. Not one word of English between them.

Lan was ushered out and a new one comes in. She was so tiny; she had to put a small STOOL on the CHAIR in order to reach my hands. She does not speak English either, but can say small talk phrases like "are you married?" and "how long have you lived here?". When I answer her chatty questions she looks at me all confused. Oh, jeez.
She gets busy with the file and I show her how to file in one direction. She retaliates by dragging the emery board across the top of my nails.
Excuse me, but shit, bitch! Why the hell would you do that?

Anyway the agony went on for a while longer and it was time for polish. I brought my own. A lovely shade of green. "Oh, oo, aahh", they all oohed and ahhed. Apparently green nail polish has not come up much in their little circle. She left me to dry, grabbed her bag and left.
She did not get tipped.

The last manicure I got there was nice (no blood) but there were two people working on me at the same time. I did not like that so much.

I will go back again, though.
I am going to need another eyebrow waxing in a week or so.

You've waited long enough

Wow, you guys really did get excited over photos of the carousel! I hope I don't disappoint.

Ok, let's get on with it.
Thumbnails, clicky biggie. 640 x 480. Most are blurry.





































Still more tomorrow.

Day two of photos, as promised.

Thumbnails, again. Someone gave the boy a basketball while we were at the park. He really liked it and they played catch with it for a long time. Then we went to the store and he didn't want to carry it, so he stashed it in a bush until we got back.





















He really liked the basketball. A Lot.
On the way back we all forgot about it and didn't remember until we were in the car on the way home, no way to go back and get it.
He cried and cried.

Here he is playing with the astrojacks. No, the sandwich is not astrojacks.










Randoms:










Tomorrow, the carousel.
You are excited, I can tell.

at long last, photos...

Thumbnails. Clickie for biggie. Most are 1280 x 960, I think. These are all ones the boy took, unless otherwise noted.



Me. Playing with the astrojacks.














Randoms















Those should hold you for tonight. I'll give out some more tomorrow or the next day.

Egg came and yelled at my window last night.
"Coney!"
"what?"
"lookit, i got cereal" he showed me a box of cocoa krispies with marshmellows.
"that's nice."
"Coney, what are you doing?"
"nothing, writing. What do you want?"
"Come over, coney."
"no."
"why not, coney? Coney, do you love me?"
"I used to..."
"I could have you back in a minute"
"you keep thinking that, sugar."
Scary part is that he could. He could have me back in a minute.
He could have me in 30 seconds.
But he would just be mean to me.
Sure sure, it all starts out nice.
Then it gets ugly and I don't wanna.
Yes, i do. No, I don't.
**head explodes**

He's so nice. He smells like cigarettes and Tide.
I get out of the car to go to the store and leave my backpack in the seat. I say "if you leave, please throw my pack out the window, ok? don't just drive off with it". This is the second or third time I've said these words to him. He says something like "I get the feeling that this has really happened to you before." Haha. Yeah.
We went to his house and watched Natural Born Killers. Of course I couldn't stop laughing through the whole movie. It's hilarious. By the time it was over the boy was asleep and I asked him to show me where he sleeps. He took me to his fold out couch. We laid on it and snuggled for a while. It was very nice to be alone with him. Lots of kissing and some touching.
He drove me home. He played Sublime because he heard somewhere that I like Sublime. I'm not sure where.
We both sang along with the cd loud and off key all the way from Daly city to 20th and Valencia. Garden Grove, The Wrong Way, Santeria, whatever that song is called. April 29th 1992. I've got a dalmation, I can still get high. I can play the guitar like a mother fuckin riot. Yeah.
He came up to mine. There was more kissing and some hugging. I apologized for not having any music. He fixed my laptop so it plays cds again. Cheap Trick, Heaven Tonight.
Bonus for getting a guy that works in IT. SCORE!!
He was digging around in this here laptop for good bit. Showed me somethings I hadn't seen before. Then he got back to looking at the computer.


Then he had to go home. Sad face.
But I put on my brave face and smiled. So nice, thank you for everything, I can't wait to see you again, drive careful, take care, call me, I miss you already, goodbye.

Goodbye, goodbye.

I can't wait to see you again.

10 good things

1. He asks me how I'm doing AND
2. He listens while I'm answering.
3. He never asks me for anything.
4. When he called me yesterday the first thing he said was "Happy Valentine's Day!"
5. He's a VERY GOOD/EXELLENT kisser.
6. He's a good driver.
7. He has a job
8. He doesn't bite his nails
9. He doesn't interrupt me when I'm talking.
10. He likes me. He told me so.

A day in the city, in the park, in the van

I woke up this morning, took a shower and went to the store to get supplies. Picnic supplies. Today was the day of picnic in the park with my two new friends.
Bread, cheese, turkey, peanut butter, tangerines, chocolate chip cookies, juice boxes and a six pack of Sierra Nevada Stout.
After I got all the sandwiches ready and packed up I called him. He was just waking up so I kicked back and listened to music for a while. Waiting. Lala.
I packed my blanket, my astrojacks and my Zing it in my sailormoon backpack along with my camera and some sunscreen.
Then they were here. He called me on the cell from the street. Usually people have a hard time finding my place. I don’t know why, it is on a main street, directly in-between two other main streets.
I went downstairs. We said our hellos and I gave the boy a little flashlight to have. It’s always nice to come with presents. Then we got in the van, buckled up and took off for Golden Gate Park.
I guess I have to name these people eventually. Let’s call them Dad and Jr.
We get to GGP and there are hundreds of people there. It was a beautiful February day in San Francisco. The sun was shining and there were cirrus clouds in the sky. A light breeze threatened to muss our hair but didn’t really get around to it. The field we were in was so huge there was plenty of room to get a place on the grass in the shade. We spread the blanket out and broke out the foodies.
Yum! Turkey and Swiss cheese sandwiches, tangerines and cookies. Very Berry juice for Jr and dark, bitter beer for the grownups! I love tangerines and Dad had told me that Jr liked them a lot so I brought half a dozen. I should have brought more.
We played ball, they mostly played ball, and I played with the astrojacks and the zing it. I handed Jr the camera, told him to go for it and he did. He needed very little instruction on how to operate the device. He took pictures of everything. Good ones, too. I will try to get them processed on Monday and have them up here for you.
We went to the carousel at GGP. It is really beautiful and old. There are so many different kinds of animals. There was even a frog wearing pants! There are photos of the carousel and the animals we rode on. It was all very exciting! I acted like a spaz, of course. I always do with things like this. It was nice having a kid with me so I was not the only one spazzing like I usually am. Later when Dad and I were talking I told him it wasn’t just that I was around Jr, I always act that way. I point and look. I say “ooooo! Looka that!” when I see something halfway interesting.
Then we left the park and drove to Half moon Bay which was a lovely drive, nice and clear. We stopped at this discount store and wandered around in the controlled chaos. I bought some sox. Three pair for about $2.50. I love sox.
By this time Jr was pretty tired and cranky. He finally laid down in the back and went to sleep. We drove around and talked and looked at the sights. We drove down Lombard st and up to Coit tower (it’s not phallic at all). We looked at the statue of Christopher Columbus marveling over the size of his hands and wondering why it was there.
We drove around some more. Stopped to look at a view and talk while Jr snored in the back of the van. We talked for a long time and it was really nice and comfortable. I didn’t feel like I had to watch what I said. We were just getting to know each other. Questions and answers, looking at stars and planes. Watching and wondering about cars and trains and big landmarks. He is a good driver and knows a lot about the city.
It was really fun. I had a great time. Even the silences weren’t uncomfortable.
Around 10:30 he suggested taking the snoring body back home and then us going out and doing something else. I declined because I was starting to get tired. Now here I am at home, tired, but happy.

Now it’s Sunday and I have been lazing all day. I wanted to go to the pub for barbeque and pool, but I just feel extremely lazy and don’t want to do anything but drink juice, watch crappy movies on network tv and surf the internet.
He called me a little while ago and said he is babysitting and maybe will give me a holler later if I would like.
I said I would love.
I keep looking at the photos we all took. They are still stored on the chip until tomorrow. I even made a little movie of the carousel. I am not sure how to get movies out of the camera and onto the Internet, but I’ll work on it.
Jr is certainly a little shutterbug. He took photos of everything. The food, us, trees, grass, my back patch, cigarette packs, half eaten sandwiches. Digital is so great.

Now I am thinking about him. Thinking happy thoughts, thinking nice thoughts. Not feeling so lonely. It was nice to hang out with someone all day that was actually nice to me, who asked me questions about myself and listened to my answers. Someone who called my by my name and not some stupid nickname that he made up and changed every half-hour.
Yes, I am comparing him to egg at every turn. Yes, he is stacking up pretty well. The fact that he has that stinking cute kid does not hurt his case a bit. Little redheaded boy. I always wanted a little redheaded boy. My little brother was a redhead. Lostboy is a redhead. My mom, too.

Bottom line?
Right now I feel good. Happy.
We’ll see how long it lasts.

mid afternoon funny.

co worker 1 and 2 and i were just talking about coming to work early. 2 says, yeah, i wake up at 6 am no matter what, every morning. 1 says yeah, when i lived on the houseboat I used to get woke up early every morning from the morning swell.
I laughed so hard tears squirted out of my nose.

Beating myself up then sticking bandaids on the wounds

I didn't go to the yoga class.
After work I stood and watched MUNI act like MUNI. One loaded 14 stood at the stop until another loaded 14 showed up and then all the people on the stopped one ran for the new one and when the stopped bus was empty it took off. I decided to walk home.
It's a couple of miles and takes me about a half hour to walk. Technically it's from 11th st to 20th st but there are name streets inbetween so it's more like 20 blocks. Not a bad walk. The weather was good. Warm. Flat terrain. I like walking up Valencia st and can usually catch a 26 at 15th.
I decided to walk the couple of blocks from work to see exactly where the yoga class was being held. It's at Church and Market, about 6 blocks from where I work, sort of in the direction of where I live. I saw it, it was right where I thought it would be. Then I turned down valencia and headed home.
The 26 passed me at 20th st, which is where I live.
feh.
I went to the store and talked with Sam for a bit. He's a nice guy. From Jordan. He and his wife and kids have had the store there for 20 years. He's always been nice to me and gives me credit if I need it. He was telling me about the diet he's on and he's lost a pound and a half this week. He has an excercise bike at the end of the cookie aisle and you can see him back there sometimes, pedalling away.
I told him about the yoga class and how I didn't think I was going to go because it's so far away. I'd have to take a 14 carrying a yoga mat and water and wearing sweatpants and I was disgusted with MUNI after the 40 minutes I just spent since getting off work.
He told me I should go, it would be good for me and I needed to get out of the house more.
Then I started to cry and ran and stuck my head in the frozen food for a few minutes.
The Hotpockets will be just a little saltier this week. Blame me.
When I got it together I went back to the counter and he asked me about Tman. How's he doing, is he still sober, will he be coming back soon.
Fine, yes, no.
Back to the frozen food to cry some more. I now have the contents of his freezer memorized. It's funny, they keep their own food in there, too. Stuff that isn't for sale. 20 years.
I went home. I flung myself on the bed and sobbed for a while. Then I farted and that made me laugh. Farts are funny.
I thought about how sad I am and how lonely. I thought about how nothing is ever going to change, how I should just relax and let my life play out without trying to interfere so much.
Then I started thinking, It's not so bad. So, I gave up this one time. At least the seed got planted. It may not have sprouted but the soil is tilled and the fertilizer is there. It took me a long time to get this messed up, I can't expect to change overnight. This is just one tiny, little failure. I've had much bigger failures.
I don't have to give up, I can try again. I can keep looking until I find a place that isn't so far away. Or I might even feel better next week and go to the same place.
Who knows?
I called the guy that I went out with last Sunday and made a date with him and his boy to go to the park this Saturday.

Ok. Now I am going to go send the notifylist, update diaryland wash my face and then read some diaries.
Thanks for all your comments, I'm sorry I almost never answer them. I promise they really mean a lot to me and make me smile everyday.

Ten things to do this year

I know, I'm horribly late with new year's resolutions. These are things I need to think about, not just jump into.

1. Take a yoga class. This will start tomorrow if I don't chicken out.
2. Buy a dvd player and subscribe to Netfl1x. I'm sick of not watching movies and I just won't get cable.
3. Get more tattoos. It's been almost a year since I got the last one. I want a full shirt before I die. Then, after I die, I'd like to be skinned and have my skin framed. Unfortunately, no one loves me enough to do that and I'm not rich enough to have a will in which it is, uh, behooved? requested?
4. Have my cyst removed. This may prove difficult as I have to delve into the wild world of my HMO, but I'm tired of being one of those people with a thing on my face.
5. Get my lip scar fixed. See reasoning above.
6. Obtain a healthy (and maybe even sexual)relationship with someone I don't live with. More than dating but less than living together.
7. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. And use sunscreen daily. Night cream stuff at night. Keep washing my face everyday and night. Eye cream all day long! I have been doing really good with this one. Missed a couple sessions but it's becoming a habit I enjoy. Oh, and more facials. 2006 is going to be the year of my face.
8. Eight, eight. I forget what eight was for and
9. Weekly manicures at the beauty college. Support those suckers and get an arm massage every seven days.
10. Stop making lists. So tiresome, they are.

Damn, it feels good to be a Gangsta

It's been a couple of weeks since I knew it was over with him. He so obviously doesn't like me. He has a few flaws that I don't care to be around for more than ten minutes or so at a time. He doesn't want to have sex with me. He only comes around when he wants something and I'm sick of giving and not recieving anything in return.
Tonight he came to my window and asked if I was coming over. I said no.
"Why not?"
"Because I will just go there and get comfy, then you will pick a fight over something and I'll have to put my shoes on and go home. I'd rather just stay home."
"No, Coney, come over, I won't do that."
"I don't have any money."
"I don't care just come over."
"But, you don't like me, remember?"
Then he left.
I kind of feel bad. I'd love to go over there, but I just shouldn't.


=============


My date thing on Sunday went fine. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him again sometime. He's very handsome and he has a job and a vehicle. His son was cute, smart and well behaved.
I should make a better show of pursuing this.
I've just never really dated before, not sure how.
I don't have his phone number so I can't call him, but I should email him and thank him for putting up with me for a couple of hours.

Oh, please, universe, let me not be used and abused and yet not die alone. How much is
that to ask, really? Come on! I can't have cats here. Help a girl out.

Can a punk rock girl make it with a white boy that listens to gangsta rap?

Stay tuned.

Hope I See You This Weekend

I love these guys. I watched Orgazmoover at a friend's place after work. The first time I saw it was in 2000 when I worked at T0wer. I really like the work of Trey and Matt.

It was nice to get out of this place and into someone else's for a minute. She has a little boy, 3 years old. He's cute but he was awfully rambunctious. We looked at his baby book, which was done my his mom, and she did a great job of it. It had pictures of her, her husband and the boy, of course, interspersed with cute cartoon characters and other stuff that more reflects her personality. She is sort of goth, death metal, type, dresses all in black, is working on getting her full body suit of tattoos and is very well on her way, I might add.
She is probably reading this right now so I will shut up.
She says she is going to try to get a mutual friend of ours over to her place on this weekend and I think I'd like to go over there and hang out with them all for an hour or so. The mutual friend is sort of interesting to me, but I have the feeling we won't have much to talk about. He has a child, too. 5 year old boy.
Oh, jeez, I just realized he might be reading this, too. grr.

Well, howdy future closer friends.

He sits on the other side of the room shouting "Goddammit!" most of the day

Draw me something.
I've been enjoying this site. They ask you to draw something random and provide a little paint type thing to draw it in. Then you submit it and blah, blah.

I've been feeling terribly sad and lonely the past couple of days. Nothing to worry about. Probably just chemical, hormonal stuff. I was late and thought I might have a bun in the oven so i peed on a stick last week. Thankfully, the stick said no but I still haven't started yet.

I told Egg I didn't want to see him anymore and not to yell at my window. The pebbles in my bed tell me he was here throwing stuff at my window but I wasn't here to tell him to get lost. I'm just tired of him. He's never nice to me at all anymore and it's just not worth it.

He once made me promise not to talk bad about him on the internet, but I don't think that counts. It's not talking, it's a jpeg.

Work has been a little hectic because co-worker 1's computer died. They gave him a temporary one, but it's one of the old ones and it's reeeeeeeeeealy slow. He sits on the other side of the room shouting "Goddammit!" most of the day and his amount of listings has gone down a little. We are still making goal, but we should be doing better. We all hope he gets a his puter cleaned and returned soon.

I've been listing clothes like mad. Lots of shirts, dresses, women suits. I put up a leather motorcycle suit. One of the kind that the pants and jacket zip together. I think it could sell for upwards of 3 bills.

Oh, my lovely promotion. My lovely new job duties. I am now in charge of payments recieved. The emails for these payments, as of this writing, go to bos. This will change. A new email proxy addy has been created so the payment recieved notifications will come to my work email address and the templates have been changed to contain the proxy address. Whew. This even confuses me. Not really. It's pretty basic.

I read the emails and make a note of what shipping service the winner would like us to use on the finished auction description so the shipping clerk can package and label it appropriately.
The first day I was very overwhelmed and it took me almost until noon, but the next day I had an epiphany and figured out a very easy way to do it and got to the bottom of my inbox before 9 am.
Yup, it just gets easier every day. A day with out epiphany is like a day with out sunshine.
I'm thinking, if she wants me to take over leaving feedback, I wouldn't mind. I may suggest it to her tomorrow.
I really still love my job even though I have been whiny and tend to tear up while taking photos. John keeps telling me there's no crying but I just can't help it. To stave off tears, I sing very bad song lyrics, very loudly and very offkey. He tells me this isn't allowed either.
I tell him "shut up, that's why!"
This makes no sense but sends us both into gales of laughter.
That's why I like him.