Beating myself up then sticking bandaids on the wounds

I didn't go to the yoga class.
After work I stood and watched MUNI act like MUNI. One loaded 14 stood at the stop until another loaded 14 showed up and then all the people on the stopped one ran for the new one and when the stopped bus was empty it took off. I decided to walk home.
It's a couple of miles and takes me about a half hour to walk. Technically it's from 11th st to 20th st but there are name streets inbetween so it's more like 20 blocks. Not a bad walk. The weather was good. Warm. Flat terrain. I like walking up Valencia st and can usually catch a 26 at 15th.
I decided to walk the couple of blocks from work to see exactly where the yoga class was being held. It's at Church and Market, about 6 blocks from where I work, sort of in the direction of where I live. I saw it, it was right where I thought it would be. Then I turned down valencia and headed home.
The 26 passed me at 20th st, which is where I live.
feh.
I went to the store and talked with Sam for a bit. He's a nice guy. From Jordan. He and his wife and kids have had the store there for 20 years. He's always been nice to me and gives me credit if I need it. He was telling me about the diet he's on and he's lost a pound and a half this week. He has an excercise bike at the end of the cookie aisle and you can see him back there sometimes, pedalling away.
I told him about the yoga class and how I didn't think I was going to go because it's so far away. I'd have to take a 14 carrying a yoga mat and water and wearing sweatpants and I was disgusted with MUNI after the 40 minutes I just spent since getting off work.
He told me I should go, it would be good for me and I needed to get out of the house more.
Then I started to cry and ran and stuck my head in the frozen food for a few minutes.
The Hotpockets will be just a little saltier this week. Blame me.
When I got it together I went back to the counter and he asked me about Tman. How's he doing, is he still sober, will he be coming back soon.
Fine, yes, no.
Back to the frozen food to cry some more. I now have the contents of his freezer memorized. It's funny, they keep their own food in there, too. Stuff that isn't for sale. 20 years.
I went home. I flung myself on the bed and sobbed for a while. Then I farted and that made me laugh. Farts are funny.
I thought about how sad I am and how lonely. I thought about how nothing is ever going to change, how I should just relax and let my life play out without trying to interfere so much.
Then I started thinking, It's not so bad. So, I gave up this one time. At least the seed got planted. It may not have sprouted but the soil is tilled and the fertilizer is there. It took me a long time to get this messed up, I can't expect to change overnight. This is just one tiny, little failure. I've had much bigger failures.
I don't have to give up, I can try again. I can keep looking until I find a place that isn't so far away. Or I might even feel better next week and go to the same place.
Who knows?
I called the guy that I went out with last Sunday and made a date with him and his boy to go to the park this Saturday.

Ok. Now I am going to go send the notifylist, update diaryland wash my face and then read some diaries.
Thanks for all your comments, I'm sorry I almost never answer them. I promise they really mean a lot to me and make me smile everyday.