i feel like

my soul fell out and you stepped on it. i tried to dust the thing off and just wound up smearing it. got lint all over it with the dirty rag i tried to clean it with. stuck it back in and bent it. poked a hole in the fabric of my soul. put a patch on it but the patch tore it more. used soul cleanser. it gave me cancer of the emotions. i cut my hand on the broken pieces of my heart. tried to clip my hearts nails and cut the quick. i felt something but it was cold and slimy. i've taken 200 pictures of you and i still don't know what you look like. i got a paper cut on my brain. i tried to love you and you kicked me in the feelings. nothing means nothing. pain is the cleanser. you made me feel 16 years old. you make me feel so young. you make me feel like im wallowing in dung. you kicked me out and then called me to tell me why. shinny up a pole, asshole. slide back down and get a sliver in your nuts.
i took my bottle and my blanket and ran home. i will be sleeping on fur tonight. remember when i asked you if you wanted to do laundry tomorrow? i take it back. i will be washing my clothes alone. well, as alone as you can be in a laundromat.
none of this is real. i miss you.