The lovely Sally pointed me in the direction of Layne Bryant where I thought the size chart would be more gentle. No such luck. According to Layne, I am a 38DDD. Also known as a 38F.
(Audible sobs)
I like this one the rest look like maybe it's a war on breasts. Maybe boobs are the enemy and must be kept in check at any cost.

Oi.

I remember the first time mom took me bra shopping. Neither one of us really thought I needed one. Heck, I still don't think I need one, but gravity rears its ugly opinion.
We went to K mart. In the little Oregon town I was raised in, K mart was a cultural hub.
We got a sales rep somehow and I tried on a bunch of little tiny bras. None of them fit. They were all too big. I think I was about 13. It was a very traumatic experience. Me, mom and the sales rep woman all cried a little.

I think ever since then I have had the mindset that I was flat-chested. It was true until around 1997 when I was running down a flight of stairs and it hurt. That was when I really bought my first bra. Not just for show, not padded, not just a prop for some sick sex game. A real bra with under wire. It was a B cup.
Ten years in a B cup. I guess we had a good run.

In a more disturbing development, I have started comparing boobs on the street, something I never did before. I will think, "oh, there, now, that is a D!" but then I’m all confused. "No, that must be a J or something cuz that woman is way bigger than me." That is the way my mind works. Separate things into categories. All those years of retail brainwashing.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

I guess I have some body image issues.
Face it, JJ you have huge knockers.
My 38B is still my most comfortable bra.

I will keep you posted.