Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, Vagina and Face Smacking

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the death of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes.

I really liked this girl group, even though the genre is not my favorite.

They were all about safe sex, sex education and sexual empowerment of women.

I like those things.

Jr said something to me the other day about pussy.
I just had to ask, "what is pussy?" cuz I'm nosy like that.
He got up and pointed at his crotchal area and said "it's here but on a girl."
"Ok, good job. Do you know what the real word for it is?"
"No, what is it?"
"Vagina. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina."
"Oh. Cool."
Then we played more video games.

I also slapped his face on Sunday.
I felt horrible about it.
You know, though, the boy has punched me so many times, and a couple of times in the face.
He was being wretched about the video game we were playing and I said, "ok, you play and I will read my book".
I was sitting on the couch reading and when he got killed in the game he came over and grabbed my book and tried to pull it out of my hand. My other hand just got a life of its own and smacky smack. There it was.
I said, "No. This isn't going to happen. You can't treat me this way. I'm sorry but I won't take it anymore."
He ran out of the room and when he came back he had a red mark on his cheek and was smacking it more himself, which made me laugh inwardly and also made me feel worse, because I remember doing the same thing to myself when big bro smacked me once or twice.
We had such a great day on Saturday when I babysat him. He was teasing me, "JJ is my babysitter" in singsong. It felt good when he sang that. Like maybe there was a way to define our relationship.
Friends? hmm
Dad's girlfriend? yeah, maybe, sure. Whatever.
Some woman who just showed up one day and everyone expects me to like her, but why the hell should I?

I'm not the evil stepmom. I'm not trying to take Daddy away.
Just imagine, boy. Twice the love. Imagine Daddy more calm and happy because he's getting laid regularly. Yeah. It could work in your favor.

We have had hug sessions. He has sat on my lap in the car and while watching tv and playing video games.
Usually when he comes at me screaming and swinging now, I grab him and hug him and say "aww, jr! You like me so much you can't stay away from me, can you? So nice to see you! How was your day? Did you sleep well? Did you have any dreams?" shit like that. It seems to work better than trying to ignore him or pushing him away.

I like to play, and I like to play rough. I just don't like to be surprised by it.